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Singer emoting to an empty arena? But then they go from playing in some dingy garage to standing in front of a shimmery golden backdrop. OK, they were a ropey girl threesome, one of whom was called Louise Fudge, who created a thumping piece of headache pop about men being like, you know, coffee. But wait, it gets better — the black light comes out and the band begin to glow. Two people that are way old enough to know better re-enact their youth in a skate park while a succession of losers fall off their wheels like a particularly tiresome re-enactment of Dogtown and ZZZ Boys. A Cbeebies cartoon about an annoying popstar has exploded all over Cher Lloyd. A mission to be as unfunny as possible. But then again, what would you expect from Steel Panther?

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